HE WILL BRING DOWN THE WALL AND RESTORE THE KINGDOM TO GLORY
HIS NAME IS TOM PARKING
With this mysterious yet oddly ordinary-looking prophecy, Tom's fate is sealed: he's been plucked from his life and whisked away to a magical kingdom to be its Chosen One.
There's just one problem: The kingdom is mostly made of garbage from Earth. Okay, well, two problems: the king hates Tom. Also, the princess likes to wear fake mustaches. And being Chosen One seems to consist mainly of cleaning out rats' noses at the Royal Rat-Snottery.
So, basically, the kingdom sucks.
When Tom turns down the job of Chosen One, he thinks he's making a smart decision. But when Tom discovers he's been replaced by his best friend Kyle, who's always been cooler, more athletic, and better with girls, Tom wants Crap Kingdom back—at any cost. And the hilarity that ensues will determine the fate of the universe.
Never Before Has Crap Been So Endearing!
Never before has crap been so endearing!
DC Pierson’s “Crap Kingdom” follows Tom Parking, a regular, ho-hum kind of guy, who lives a life so normal that he’s become the poster child for the Average Joe way of life. He lives life solidly in the middle, and the only extreme emotion he exhibits is extreme indifference with the way his life is headed.
All that changes when he learns he is the Chosen One of a nameless kingdom in another dimension. Tom is suddenly energetic and seriously optimistic that his life will once and for all stand out. Turns out, said kingdom is full of discarded Earth junk, and that optimism turns to indignation. Tom decides he’ll do one thing for the place, and that’s give it a name: Crap Kingdom. He’s the only one who uses the name, and he’s become so despaired he decides to bow out of Crap Kingdom and let them solve their own problems while he finally decides to make his everyday life not so average.
What I love about Pierson’s kingdom of crap is that it’s just so sweet. That’s a weird word to attribute to a pile of junk, but the simple people of Crap Kingdom seem to have a better and more hopeful outlook on life than Tom, despite the mountains of underwear and the moldy donuts that constantly surround them. Tom’s pessimism ultimately gets him in trouble as the kingdom moves on and finds a new Chosen One, who just so happens to be Tom’s best friend. Jealousy rears its ugly head, and Tom finds a much more beautiful (and infinitely more evil) kingdom to interact with.
This leads to the message that I love most about “Crap Kingdom.” Pierson shows that being that mythical Chosen One is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s full of dirty work. I mean think about it, saving a kingdom can’t be easy. It took three huge books for Frodo and friends to finally destroy that darn ring. Tom just wants to slide through the task and live in the lap of luxury. He learns through his ordeal that anything worth having will take a lot of work and determination. Tom also discovers that just because something is pretty on the outside doesn’t mean it has good intentions on the inside. The best part about it all is Pierson throws these lessons at us with humor that is actually funny and way more than just crude jokes about bodily waste.
“Crap Kingdom” is anything but a pile of crap.
Great sense of sarcastic humor.
Lessons on hard work and determination.
Snarky Teen Fantasy
This isn't a typical fantasy, but fans of quirky, humorous books like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will find Tom a hero they will like.