Spotlight on The Temptation of Adam by Dave Connis, Plus 6 Ways to Help Friends Who Struggle With Addiction & Giveaway!

Spotlight on The Temptation of Adam by Dave Connis, Plus 6 Ways to Help Friends Who Struggle With Addiction & Giveaway!

Today we're excited to spotlight The Temptation of Adam by Dave Connis, plus author guest post, and giveaway! 

 

Meet Dave Connis!

 
 
 Dave Connis has held all manner of job, from ballroom dance instructor to construction worker. He is now a community manager at Code Corps, a platform where people can donate time, talent, and money to projects for social change. He also works as an assistant youth director at his church, Rock Creek Fellowship. He has a bachelor’s in community development with a focus on international economics from Covenant College. He is a member of the SCBWI. He lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee, with his wife and son.
 
 
 
 

Meet The Temptation of Adam!

 
 Adam Hawthorne is fine. Yeah, his mother left, his older sister went with her, and his dad would rather read Nicholas Sparks novels than talk to him. And yeah, he spends his nights watching self-curated porn video playlists. But Adam is fine. When a family friend discovers Adam’s porn addiction, he’s forced to join an addiction support group: the self-proclaimed Knights of Vice. He goes because he has to, but the honesty of the Knights starts to slip past his defenses. Combine that with his sister’s out-of-the-blue return and the attention of a girl he meets in an AA meeting, and all the work Adam has put into being fine begins to unravel. Now Adam has to face the causes and effects of his addiction, before he loses his new friends, his prodigal sister, and his almost semi-sort-of girlfriend.
 

6 Ways to Help Friends Who Struggle With Addiction

Epidemic is a dramatic word with jagged edges, but with over twenty million Americans over the age of 12 experiencing some form of addiction, this number excludes tobacco, epidemic is a fair word. Addiction itself is a symptom of living in a broken down planet. Each person, the addict and non-addict alike is a multilayered collection of hurts and hope. However, addicts face a specific path of suffering much like an avalanche. The smallest of triggers leads to a quick accumulation of weight, where the only trajectory is down and the only stop is hard and violent.

 

Twenty million Americans over the age of twelve.

 

Twelve.

 

This sort of sadness isn’t hidden in back roads and under overpasses. It’s in our friend’s houses, showing up in Snapchat feeds, and eating at your cafeteria tables. It’s not a distant idea. With millions of ways to be hurt, we all have some sort of battle in us, You don’t have to go across the sea to find hurt. So it makes sense that you don’t have to go far to find addicts.

 

The addict’s hurt is overwhelming, and trying to help someone facing such an overwhelming monolith of a path as facing one’s own addiction is a big task. Keep in mind that I am NOT a licensed professional (though a few have told me that the list below isn’t pure heresy) and I am NOT an expert on dealing with addiction. I’m only talking out of my experiences as a friend helping another hurting friend. There are so many stages of addiction and because people are subjective, the ways that addiction is handled are equally as subjective, but I’ve compiled are five tips to consider when you start helping your deeply hurting friend. It’s also worth noting that these tips assume a friend who’s willing to accept your/any help.

 

1. Be a friend, not an “accountability partner.”

An accountability partner is a coach, a guide. A friend is a presence, a showing up when tears are spilt, an unmoving ear. An accountability partner works toward a goal, a friend works toward healing. It’s important you realize that you can’t be everything they need to heal and that’s okay. Also, know that you’re not a professional and that’s equally okay. So are boundaries. Your job is love them as hard as you can. Not break their addiction.

 

2. Never be surprised.

If they ever confess secret things to you, never be surprised. For multiple reasons. One: humans are all capable of doing every bad thing under

 the sun. There is no original and creative bad deed. Everything’s been done. Two: Surprise is a good way to alienate your friend. There is a lot of shame associated with confession. It’s an incredibly brave, hard, and painful thing to do. Think about it. If a confession is met with a gasp and a recoil, that’s signaling, “I didn’t think you were capable of this” or maybe “How are you this broken?” These sorts of non-verbal acts act as a wall, confirm their shame, and put even more of a divide between you and the person you’re trying to help/love.

If a confession is met with calm and an almost, I say this cautiously, indifferent face, any “othering” is disarmed. It’s as if their confession was as mundane and normal as confessing they enjoy pizza. Remember, they’re already feeling isolated and separated from others. Not being surprised closes down that gap.

 

3. Talk regularly.

A staple of a Twelve Step program is to frequently talk to someone who’s already been through the twelve-step process, a sponsor. Of course, people who haven’t been through AA don’t know the twelve-step process; so don’t feel that you need to be their guide them through that specific process. Your job is being there. You get the honor of guiding them toward people who are further along on the path of recovery, looking at higher mile markers.

Also, when you talk, remember that your conversations don’t need to be intense every time. Sure, ask if they’re talking to people who know the struggle, but also ask about their day. Ask questions about what they’re learning about their addiction, but also ask what they thought of the last episode of Stranger Things. You don’t have to talk about the meaning of life in every call, but always be sure to tell them you love them.

 

4. Remember they’re more than their addiction.

Any addict is made up of loves, hopes, hurts, and wants. A drug addict really might like America’s Next Top Model. A sex addict might fight to the death to protect their opinion that Papa John’s is better than Pizza Hut. One addict might like Coldplay. Another might like bluegrass. Don’t separate the small and big things that make up your friend from the part that’s dark with hurt. They are still humans.

 

5. Work to understand addiction.

Do your own research into what addiction is. Don’t just read a listicle giving you six tips on how to help your friend. Listen to counselors. Read articles from scientific journals. Listen to TED talks. If they’re willing to talk about it, ask people who’ve gone through it before. Learning about what your friend is going through and facing will help you help well.

 

6. Gently show them the path of help.

Breaking addiction doesn’t happen in isolation. There needs to be a support structure in place. Help them find that support structure, include an adult who can help (a parent, a teacher, guidance counselor, youth leader, a friend’s mom, anyone your friend could trust), and go with them when they confess to that person. Confession takes incredible amounts of bravery. Affirm this in them.

Also, definitely be a part of the structure, but it’s incredibly important that you don’t attempt to be the support structure all by yourself. It’s hard being in the middle of someone’s hurt, so you’ll need the support just as much as your friend.

 
 
  
 
 
 The Temptation of Adam

By: Dave Connis

Release Date: November 21, 2017

*GIVEAWAY DETAILS* 

One winner will receive a copy of The Temptation of Adam (US & Canada only).  

 
 

*Click the Rafflecopter link below to enter the giveaway*

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Giveaway: NEVERMOOR (US Only)
Waiting On Wednesday ~ November 15th, 2017

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Comments 1

Amie Lambert-Gaudet on Wednesday, 06 December 2017 21:11

The cover drew my eye immediately and the fact that addiction issues are tackled in this novel is terrific. The more information teens have, the better off they are.
I will be adding this book to my #tbrlist

0
The cover drew my eye immediately and the fact that addiction issues are tackled in this novel is terrific. The more information teens have, the better off they are. I will be adding this book to my #tbrlist

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